A clearing after the storm

I can’t attribute it to any one thing, but perhaps a combination of circumstances.

Less fast food after the crowd departed.

Checking out Andrew Weill’s personalized vitamins.

Substituting ice tea for diet coke. (Yes, I did find the tea maker).

Some meditation, some exercise.

Moments of sun are starting to break through, and that is very, very nice.

Chinese calligraphy, here I come!

What puzzles me is the inner motivation.  Why now? Why in this way? Why all of a sudden does the fierce resistance to change inside start to modulate, like a log jam breaking apart and letting the wood float downstream?

I don’t know, but I do know the forward movement feels good after so many months of being stuck in the slow, non-moving traffic lane.

Why perfection is never easy

An Ode to the Coke I am Foregoing

Old and new Diet Coke cans. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

List of ingredients:Coke, original formula [carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, caramel color, phosphoric acid, natural flavors, caffeine] Caffeine content: 34 mg

Diet coke [carbonated water, caramel color, aspartame, phosphoric acid, potassium benzoate (to protect taste), natural flavors, citric acid, caffeine] Phenyketonuirics: Contains phenylalanine.  Caffeine content: 46 mg

Being that Diet Coke is my drink of choice, this comparison surprised me.  Diet Coke has more caffeine than regular (although still about one-half less than a strong cup of coffee) and Diet Coke actually has more ingredients than regular. Not good.

So why do I drink it? Hard to say.  I made the switch from leaded to diet many years ago, but I still cling to the zero calorie kind.

1. Habit, of course.  I like that hard punch of acid in my mouth–bad for teeth but like the bubbles.

2. It gives me a pick-me-up at midday.

3. It is something ‘cool’ to order when the waitress comes around.  Expensive, though.  Have you ever noticed the drink tab when the check comes around?

4. I don’t like the sluggish feeling when I do go cold turkey.  All that lethargy is not fun.

5. Availability.  It’s always around.  When it’s not, I go buy some more.

But do I need it?  Would my life be irreparably harmed without it?

Maybe it’s time to quit.  Stay tuned.

The Plan of Action: Taking Stock

Happiness (Photo credit: rabasz)

This blog will be about change.  I’m 69.  That’s old.  But I don’t feel old. And I want a ‘cliff’ ending. None of this languishing about in a nursing home, for years and years.Whether I live to be 70 or 103, I want ALL the life possible until I kick that bucket.

I’m allowing, oh, 48 hours or so for that ‘kick the bucket’ process to occur. Yes, that sounds about right. Up until then I wanted to be actively engaged in life.

But how to make that happen?

I’m starting at a low ebb.  Two solid months of back-to-back company preceded by another two months of serious illness for my Significant Other. But during all of that chaos, I’ve had time to think. To plan how I really want to live. I’ve got about 10 months until my next birthday. It is time to start.  Now!

Andrew Weill’s great new book, Spontaneous Happiness outlines it pretty succinctly.  Physical: exercise and eat whole foods.  Spiritual:  meditate, be nice to people and the planet. Mind:  Learn something new. Be aware of who and where you are.

For me, that starts with books. I’m a reader.  When I start something new, the books come first.

Recipe books are no problem. I’ve got literally dozens of cookbooks tracing my life development through Haute Cuisine (Julia Child & provincial French–the 3-days-to-prepare-a-meal kind), through the 70s hippie (Small Planet) to all the allergy cookbooks (Gluten Free Gal), and up through the current vegan trends (Rice and Spice, Dr. Furman). Problem is, of course, that I don’t like to cook. So whatever I do has to be simple.

I don’t like to exercise, either. I do walk about 3 times a week, with a friend.  And our neighborhood is hilly.  So some exercise there.  I am thinking about including some yoga tapes and stretching in the morning.  Maybe walking on days when my friend is busy elsewhere? Maybe.

Mindfulness would be a good thing. I do know how to mediate, but don’t.

Vitamins.  Don’t take any.  Salads.  Don’t eat any.

I am a stress eater.  I like fast food, caffeine, chocolate, and ice cream in that order.  Given the events of the last 4 months, my weight is about 24 pounds higher than it should be. My lady doctor is saying for the first time that I need to start watching my cholesterol.

I still work, part-time, but am an introvert by choice, so don’t have scads and scads of friends. More would probably help. That good ol’ social support thing.

I get bored without mental stimulus, so am toying with the idea of learning Chinese, just for the puzzle of it.  That and getting over the mental block I have against playing the piano.  I do have one.  Right now it serves as a good shelf for piling papers next to the treadmill that is useful for hanging loose sweatshirts.

I guess the bottom line is that I don’t want to change. I like my life, imperfect as it is.  This body has served me well, and to change would be to acknowledge that indeed, someday I will die.  That doesn’t frighten me.  But being incapacitated does.  I don’t want to go there. Period.

So first will be to chart what is actually happening. My Id will rebel, but I’ll sneak up on it.  “You don’t have to change anything at all, just let me keep track of it.”  Uhuh.  I don’t it’s convinced.

But as Yoda said, “There is no try, there is only do.”  Keep tuned as I start to journal what is actually happening in my life.  I have a feeling it will be prove to be a challenging, back-sliding, life changing journey.

How to have the most mindful, meaningful Christmas ever!

Image by Randy Son Of Robert via Flickr

I’ve done a few Christmases in my time, and the ones that stand out in my memory were the ones where people were happy and what was exchanged had meaning.

Due to my Christmas Procrastination, this post should have been written several weeks ago, but much of what I am about to say will still, I hope, have value.

Here are my thoughts on how to have the most mindful, meaningful Christmas ever.

PRESENTS

Like it or not, in our materialistic world, presents are important—the ones you give and the ones you receive. First, a disclaimer. There is no perfect present. Sorry! There just isn’t one.

 So to ward off disappointment, be flexible. Act surprised. Plan to like whatever is under the wrapping paper. (And if you don’t, you can always regift it next year. More later on this point.)

Toys

I like toys. I like playing with toys, imagining how kids will play with toys.

What we fear the most

Image via Wikipedia

I had to laugh at myself. I finished that long post on fear yesterday and carefully tapped danced around the ultimate fear, our fear of death. So if you will stay with me, I’d like to address that fear today.

We have lots of euphemisms for death. A recent movie, in fact, alluded to one, “kick the bucket.” Please! Are we cows? Cancer becomes the “Big C.” We don’t bury someone, we “inter” them.

It is no wonder that kids get a little confused. “Grandpa has gone on a long trip.” Where? When is he coming back?

We joke about death with Gallows humor. I was working for the brokerage industry when the Challenger space shuttle exploded. I don’t think it was five minutes before some really irreverent jokes were up on our internal wire service, flying back and forth across the country.

Why do we do this, I wonder?

Our uneasy relationship with fear

A loud, jarring noise woke me. I couldn’t fit it into a known category, and the hair on the back of my neck start to rise. Was it a burglar in the night? Was my life in danger? My heart pounding, I lay there frozen with fear, listening.

Hearing nothing further, but fully awake by now I reached over and switched on the light. And discovered that my cats had tipped a Mag flashlight (3 battery size) against a ceramic pot. Nothing broken! Reassured, I scritched a few feline ears and gradually settled back into drowsy sleep.

I had experienced primal fear. We are born with it. Babies instinctively fear falling and loud noises. (Their fear of strangers waits until they can differentiate between self and others, typically about 18 months or so.)

Teenagers, ruled by the emotion-laden amygdula have fear—and pronounce to the world that they don’t. They sport T-shirts blazoned with ‘No Fear’ and wear Goth and death’s head rings. They look fear in the eye, just to feel the rush.

By the time we become adults, fear is a familiar, if unwelcome companion. In this post I’ll be examining our uneasy relationship with fear—why we fear fear, why it is sometimes healthy, and how to minimize its effects when it is not.

Thankful for Gifts Differing

Image via Wikipedia

I believe that we all have different gifts, some that we use, some latent, that we could use, if we only believed in their existence. And all such gifts have both positive and negative elements to them.

Take perfect pitch, for example. I’ve talked to people who have it and for them, listening someone singing off key feels just like fingernails on the proverbial blackboard.

Photographic memory is another special gift. But I understand that it is hard to turn off–that people who have it end up with memorized cereal boxes and insurance flyers, in addition to the formulas for chemistry finals.

I also believe that some individuals are more sensitive to energy flows than others. I do feel it on occasion and I imagine that you have, as well. Ever visit an empty school room, or perhaps a church (those with lots of stained glass are the best) and feel a good energy flow that spices the air with quiet and peace?

An exciting adventure

Image by Camera Slayer via Flickr

Barbara Swafford, in her exceptional blog, Blogging without a Blog has honored me with her award, NBOTW (New Blog of the Week). 

For those of you arriving here from Barbara’s Blog, Welcome!

For those of you who have not yet visited Blogging without a Blog, the journey is rewarding. 

Barbara, in addition to providing recognition to new bloggers like me, has an excellent and growing collection of blog posts on such topics as: making money, increasing blog traffic, poetry, blogging ettiquette and buddies,  and ultimately living life to the fullest. 

A great read!

Thank you for the honor of including me in such august company.

Walking the tightrope to find a balanced life

Image by tim ellis via Flickr

When I was little the circus would come to town, and if my folks had the money we’d go see a performance. I liked the horses, didn’t find the clowns terribly funny, and gasped at the tigers and lions. But my absolute favorite were the artists who walked the tightrope.

They had this long floppy pole for balance, and I would hold my breath as they made minute adjustments, sometimes stepping back, then teetering precariously before they walked ahead slowly, testing each foothold. Only when they reached the platform at last, did I breathe again.

Life is like that, too. In difficult situations, the future seems precarious.